True Self

Some of us hide who we really are in order to meet the standards of the modern world. Without doing this we cannot be accepted by our peers.

When we repress our feelings and thoughts we build up increasing amounts of pressure. The stress and emotion wants out, we feel alone and want to confide in someone, but we force ourselves to maintain control because we know it is for the better. Our public face, our mask, is merely a veil over our true self.

This piece was created with the purpose of expressing those emotions. We create a shell around ourselves in order to not only keep things from getting out, but to protect us from things trying to get in. Being so withdrawn, without trust, and emotionally volatile creates a deep vulnerability in the core of our being. The shell becomes a necessity. In this piece however, the roles have been reversed.

In the chest before us we see our hollow shell, the mask if you will. But instead of what the mask shows us, we see what is contained by the shell. The years of sadness are finally acknowledged, the quiet anguish of constant loneliness finally is allowed to show itself, the explosive venting of frustration and raw emotion threatens to consume the very soul that asserts control over our heart. The same heart which we repress for fear of reprisal. It is a vicious cycle that can only result in further pain for the individual, but from that pain the individual is able to gain strength, knowing that their suffering prevents unnecessary suffering for others.

Done in pencil, 10 hours.

Charcoal or ink would've been better for the darkness, methinks. (Or a tablet, argh, I need one of those!) I'm not very happy with the shading regardless. Sorry about the bright spots from the scanner... the sides are clipped a little bit too, but you get the idea.

This is my entry in 's latest contest.

-edit-
I'm going to fix that nose... eventually.